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  PORT LUCIAN
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you may be wondering why

i saw a dead bird the other day
​while walking behind some DUMPSTERS

at first i was upset

but i was relieved to see that she was gone by afternoon
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"You barely recognize the shape that's
Shifting with the gears below
"
were words that i wrote 50 feet away from where i found her
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"My 3 by 6 silhouette
Swallowed up in my bed
​"
were words that i wrote 5 feet away (at my desk, not pictured)

this is the bed i sleep in

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sometimes my friends do nice things for me (left)

​sometimes i do nice things for my friends (right)
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I was going to throw my painting out

i ripped my thumbs into it

i felt frustrated that i hadn't anything good to capture

sarah said she felt it had been important to me

and so i kept it
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I hid it instead

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this is what my shoes looked like when they were brand new

it was the summer of 2019, i was working downtown on the river in philly


during a big storm i could look at the river from the lunch room and see the water turn brown
i cried every day

only much much later i would realize why

Cleveland.

i always come back

this was my favorite view in the world when i was 18
​
i miss the smell of the seats sometimes

its not really the same when i ride it now
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 I went to this panera once. I was meeting someone important. the sewage was overflowing upstairs and it smelled horrible
i felt ashamed for having suggested it
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it was stiff and dead when we finished

i begged my mom to help me dye my hair like this
it reminded me of someone 
​

I regretted it
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these days i think a lot about love

im so tired

ive been saying those words for a long time and im not sure i deserve it now
​

i am also so busy
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my name is portia

when i was young i wished i was port lucian

thank you for coming on this journey with me

​i hope to find it soon

​love and peaces

​<3
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