you may be wondering why

i saw a dead bird the other day
​while walking behind some DUMPSTERS

at first i was upset

but i was relieved to see that she was gone by afternoon

"You barely recognize the shape that's
Shifting with the gears below
"
were words that i wrote 50 feet away from where i found her

"My 3 by 6 silhouette
Swallowed up in my bed
​"
were words that i wrote 5 feet away (at my desk, not pictured)

this is the bed i sleep in

sometimes my friends do nice things for me (left)

​sometimes i do nice things for my friends (right)

I was going to throw my painting out

i ripped my thumbs into it

i felt frustrated that i hadn't anything good to capture

sarah said she felt it had been important to me

and so i kept it

I hid it instead

this is what my shoes looked like when they were brand new

it was the summer of 2019, i was working downtown on the river in philly


during a big storm i could look at the river from the lunch room and see the water turn brown

i cried every day

only much much later i would realize why

Cleveland.

i always come back

this was my favorite view in the world when i was 18
​
i miss the smell of the seats sometimes

its not really the same when i ride it now

 I went to this panera once. I was meeting someone important. the sewage was overflowing upstairs and it smelled horrible

i felt ashamed for having suggested it

it was stiff and dead when we finished

---

i begged my mom to help me dye my hair like this

it reminded me of someone 
​

I regretted it

these days i think a lot about love

im so tired

ive been saying those words for a long time and im not sure i deserve it now
​

i am also so busy

my name is portia

when i was young i wished i was port lucian

thank you for coming on this journey with me

​i hope to find it soon

​love and peaces

​<3